About four months have past, and the New START Treaty hovered in the background as everyone started a fresh school year. But now, during my winter break, there's not only an opportunity for me to invigorate my hope for the New START Treaty but a chance to reflect. After my summer vacation ended and after delivering the petitions, I missed Japan terribly and wanted desperately to return to my glorious summer memories - but I didn't really understand how much this trip was slowly changing my perspective. Only now, do I realize the subtle changes.
During the vacation, my perspective was changed:
--Changed from just another student who is passively concerned about nuclear proliferation to a vocal member of the group of international activists united in their cause.
I was more surprised in opposing scenarios:
1. By the big number of students who really supported nuclear non-proliferation.
2. Disappointedly by the students who rudely joked and possessed the characteristics of "cool apathy" and disrespect to those who were passionate.
However another concern that I kept tucked in the corners of my brain was a changing yet omnipresent fear.
--It was first a complicated mixed fear: stage-fright combined with the fear of being an unprepared incompetent who wasn't passionate enough or deserving enough for the summer's opportunities.
But afterwards, it changed to the fear of:
-What if the treaty isn't passed and is a complete failure and disappointment to all the Japanese students who worked so hard into opposing another Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
And the only thing that will subdue the fear aside from the good news is the faintest hope that even if it fails, the fight will continue -- constantly empowered by others around the entire world (not just the Japanese). Although it sounds terrible to me right now, our summer crusade was a drop in the bucket. Even this blog aside from being a recorded document of our events, could possibly (though very doubtfully) stir someone's concern to action - and that's all I can hope for.
And as my late night tunes flow through my earbuds, it's surprising how perfectly a lyric fits with this blog post:
"Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver?" - Relient K